Mark Twain vs Oscar Wilde ROAST: Two Legendary Wits, One Brutal Duel

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TWAIN vs WILDE go head to head — and every jab is rooted in real history.

WILDE

You made a fortune telling folksy little stories, Mark, then lost every penny betting on a typewriting machine that never worked. A genius, bankrupted by a gadget. How very American.

TWAIN

At least I died in my own bed, Oscar. Not in a shabby Paris hotel, arguing with the wallpaper. Your last words: either it goes, or I do. The wallpaper won.

WILDE

I sued a man for insulting me, and lost so spectacularly they put me in prison for it. But I had the nerve to be scandalous. You just hated Jane Austen.

TWAIN

I did. I said every time I read her, I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shinbone. Now that, Oscar, is a sentence.

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