Napoleon vs Julius Caesar ROAST: Two Conquerors, Two Colossal Egos

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CAESAR vs NAPOLEON go head to head — and every jab is rooted in real history.

CAESAR

They say you were tiny, Napoleon. A little emperor. And terrified of cats. The man who conquered Europe, undone by a house pet. I was stabbed twenty-three times and complained less than you did about a kitten.

NAPOLEON

At least I wasn't murdered by my own best friend, Julius. Twenty-three knives from the men you trusted. And you combed your hair forward your entire life to hide that you were going bald.

CAESAR

I wore a laurel crown to hide it, with dignity. You crowned yourself, lost everything, and got exiled to an island. Twice. Who loses an entire empire, comes back, and loses it again?

NAPOLEON

The man they still study in every military academy on Earth, Julius. You got a salad named after you. I got a complex named after me.

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